We making it…

These days when someone asks how I am doing, all I can really manage to mutter, without being completely untruthful, is “We making it.” “day to day.” I don’t mean to sound dreary- but its the absolute truth. Some days I am barely making it. The last week has been better, mentally, for me that it has been for quite a few. Seems like a good week, or even day, will come, and then suddenly it all comes slamming back down.

Yesterday- yesterday started out as a good day. It got progressively more chaotic as the day went on, but chaos I can handle. My mom called as I was getting the kids in to bed, they are at Vanderbilt this week. My dad had a bone scan yesterday, then they saw the doctor this morning. I was quite surprised when she had called to tell me that Dr. Iams had called, and given them the results.

We had been afraid for a few weeks that his cancer has spread in to his bones, as that apparently is the natural course that it follows- lungs. liver. bones. We already knew about the liver and of course lungs… but when he started having pains in his ribs and hips, it was quite concerning. So it was really not surprising when she called with the news that the cancer, has in fact spread into his bones.

Now what? That is the question that we really haven’t been given the answer to. Originally, he was not to get any treatment next week, and then start again the week after Thanksgiving. Now, after those scan results, they will be in Vanderbilt Wednesday for treatment and an appointment with Dr. Iams. They will be spending the night and come home on Thanksgiving day. He then has a lot more scans the week of the 12. Seeing all the doctors again… making new plans with this new information.

Our question now seems to be… what is the end game in all this? We know the ultimate end unfortunately… that has been expressed, that no matter how we try to control this monster, it will take him- more than likely sooner than later. It’s only been seven months since his diagnosis. What good is more chemo going to do at this point? What are we looking for- prolonging a miserable life of being sick the entire time? Is that what he wants? So many questions. So please- if you pray, pray for peace. For making the decisions in the right way to live his best life. That’s all I can do.