My First Blog Post

appreciate where you are in your journey, even if it’s not where you want to be. every season serves a purpose.

Whew… that one is a hard pill to swallow. That every journey and season serves a purpose. Because let me be REAL honest… this is a hard, hard journey that my family and I are walking right now. I feel like I need to just ramble and write to get my feelings out a lot. Things swim endlessly around in my head, distracting me from things that I HAVE to do. They are on the present, the not so distant future, and the imminent things looming ahead of us.

I guess I should start with a little backstory, on why everything in my life is so crazy right now. Everything had been going great this spring, 2019. I got engaged, kids were doing well, I knew what my immediate plans were. We were fixing up my grandparent’s house, and I couldn’t wait to live there. It holds so many childhood memories, and I wanted my children to have those there as well. It is, in all honesty, my happy place.

In May, I had the flu. Who gets the flu in May? Well I do. At the same time, my dad got pneumonia. My flu moves on, but his pneumonia just keeps lingering. He goes to his lung Dr, who orders scans. They called us on my mom’s birthday, May 10- on a Friday evening of all times. “Mr. Gotcher, we are going to need you to come in on Monday morning to discuss your scans.” Well… we knew exactly what that meant. His lung cancer had returned, from a spot he had had surgically removed in 2008. Sure enough, it was back. Stage 4, had not metastasized. They decided that chemo is the best option, radiation will not help, nor will surgery.

He does chemo all summer. Then in late August, he goes for another scan, only to be told that his tumor has grown and there is nothing more they can do. Well… I don’t know if you guys know my dad, but he is no quitter. So when they say there is nothing they can do, we go searching further. We decided Vanderbilt is our next course of action. So a week after being told there is nothing further to do, we are in Vanderbilt, making plans. Let me tell you, if there is ANYTHING you need a specialist for- GO TO VANDERBILT. Those guys are AMAZING. The healthcare and staff there are outstanding. It’s 10 to 1 over what there is here. Like INSANE difference.

So- Vanderbilt. We meet with a team of doctors who are putting all their insane knowledge in one place to help. Its literally a TEAM. We saw like four doctors one day, two the next, on and on. Its exhausting. Its a long long day. You literally leave the hospital and collapse at the hotel because you are freaking exhausted. And I am not even sick. Cancer is a strange strange thing. It has always been a scary word… but not one that has personally affected ME. It was a far off word. Something that happened to other people’s families. I, by this point in my life, have lost both grandparents… and really that’s it. But none have been to this terrible disease. When I would speak to/about someone that had the dreaded “C” word- I had no idea what to say. No idea how to respond. Well… let me let you guys on a little secret. I still don’t. I have no idea how to RECEIVE the well wishes and condolences. Just because you are dealing with it- doesn’t make it any easier or less awkward. Some days we just ignore it. The days where we can- which are honestly few and far between. My parents weeks are now spent back and forth to Vanderbilt for treatment. They were there for a solid month. Some days, we get bad news, and it’s a few days before any of the three of us can even speak of it. Especially to someone else, or in public. So if you ever see me out, and I don’t speak or make eye contact- it seriously has nothing to do with you. I just literally can’t say that everything is fine anymore- because it’s not.